Here's some really useful tips for saving during this time of downturned economy...

DON'T waste money on expensive I-Pods. Simply think of your favorite tune and hum it. If you want to "change tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few doggie poos in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply not having anything worth stealing.

SAVE money on expensive personalized vehicle license plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate, e.g. Mr. KVL 741Y

DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

AN empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's helmet.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books... simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimbleful of shower gel and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Goodwill... they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for $2.00.

OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat: when you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.

CAN'T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film and press them to your eyes.

WHY pay a ransom for expensive puzzles? Just take a bag of frozen chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.

MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee.

MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill.

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to vacuum the house afterwards.

WOMEN: Save spending money on expensive make-up. Just use low energy light bulbs.

-- The Far Out Living Team
Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:13:06 -0500